On The Couch with Evil Glenn Reynolds™
Evil Glenn™ made an appointment to visit our office in the hope that the reason behind the writer's block could be determined, addressed, and resolved. Our session was quite interesting, and is presented here in hopes that others can benefit from the process of internalized issues resolution:
Thank you for coming to see us, Professor Reynolds.
You may call me Evil Glenn™.
Thank you. The process of resolving issues such as this is never an easy one, because the reasons are never simple. An individual's lifetime of experiences mix with imperfect memories and snippets of dreams to weave the tapestry that is the psyche. Let us begin by looking at the threads of the tapestry that has been woven to form the individual known as Evil Glenn Reynolds™.
What the hell are you talking about?
Let's try another approach, then. Tell me about the process of writing your blog. The normal process, I mean. Before the writer's block.
Oh, gosh. I don't remember before the block.
Has your memory been affected?
No, I remember everything. It's just that the writer's block has plagued me for some time now.
It has? But you've been blogging many times a day, every day. So let me ask you, when was the last post you wrote without suffering from writer's block?
Gosh, I don't know. I think it was August 8, 2001.
You mean you have been suffering from writer's block for nearly four years?
Well, yes, I guess that's correct.
Okay. That's quite interesting. How have you been coping so far?
Simple. I have a list of about five or six blogs that I read, tops. Plus Yahoo news. I click on one of those, then roll some dice. If it comes up seven, I copy the first or second paragraph, then add "Read the whole thing" at the end of it.
If I roll anything else, I'll copy and paste part of one sentence, then add "Heh" or "Indeed." Sometimes I skip copying the sentence. It depends on if there's a commercial on as I'm watching Lifetime.
And, that's all I do, and all I ever do, ever since the writer's block hit. And that's why I need your help.
Are you happy?
When I'm sitting at my keyboard, the carcass of a hobo at my feet, a blender full of puppies near my desk, humming L'Internationale ... even if I don't have anything useful to say, yes, I'm happy.
So, why do you want things to change if you're happy?
Evil Glenn Reynolds™ said nothing. Then a smile came over his lips, and he nodded. Without another word, he stood up, shook my hand, and left. Without paying his bill.
And I'm missing a puppy.